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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723602">Fate's Curse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pi_Dreams/pseuds/Pi_Dreams'>Pi_Dreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Liar, Liar Saga [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, But Actually a Halfway-Decent Mentor, But mostly angst, Clint Barton &amp; Natasha Romanov Friendship, Downward Spiral, Family Issues, Gen, Humor, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a Bad Parent, Mental Health Issues, Minor AU, Minor Jane Foster/Thor, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, POV Loki (Marvel), Post-Avengers (2012), Prisoner Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) Being an Idiot, but will probably stab you if you try, eventually Thor: The Dark World compliant (mostly), otherwise no slash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:35:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pi_Dreams/pseuds/Pi_Dreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>**********Read Part One first or this will make no sense.  SPOILERS BELOW!!!**************</p><p>Loki might have rescued the maiden and saved the day, but that's never stopped Fate.  When Thor decides to trust A'rim and takes all his friends and the murderous criminal with him on a quest across the galaxy, Loki is left in the Avengers' care.  Which is fine.  Really.  But of course, Thor is betrayed and Loki must try to save him- though not for the reasons you'd imagine.  As his own thoughts slowly suffocate him, Loki fights on to reach his brother.  Surrounded by so-called heroes, he must ask himself: what is redemption?  And is it worth the cost?</p><p>**********ON HIATUS***********</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clint Barton &amp; Loki, Loki &amp; Avengers Team, Loki &amp; Natasha Romanov, Loki &amp; Original Female Character(s), Loki &amp; Steve Rogers, Loki &amp; Thor (Marvel), Loki &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Liar, Liar Saga [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. It's an Earth Thing, Loki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!  A few notes before the story starts:  this part follows directly after the events in Fate's Charm, the first story in this series.  If you haven't read that yet, go do it, because this won't make sense otherwise.  Also, this is rated M for dark themes and events.  There is no slash or smut in the story.  Finally, check the tags!  Please!  I've written a lot of this story, but not all of it, and more tags will be added as needed.</p><p>Have fun reading!</p><p>Many thanks to wylanvansunshine for beta'ing and Scott Richards for endless hours spent on the phone and over email bouncing ideas.  You both are really, truly amazing.  I don't know what I would have done without you.</p><p>TW's for this chapter: minor injuries</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A thin, cold drizzle fell from the dark night sky as Thor and I landed in a dazzling light show on the road, the warm glow from Jane's windows slanting across us.  I shivered involuntarily as the water soaked my shirt.  Unlike the first time I’d arrived, I was the one who led the way into the kitchen.  Jane was nowhere to be seen, but a covered pot bubbled softly on the stove.  Thor grabbed two bowls from the cabinet and ladled out a thick, meaty stew.  I accepted the hot dish gratefully in both hands and didn't even sit before I started trying to gulp it by the heaping spoonful.  The stew was far too hot to permit that, and Thor snorted so hard water came out his nose as he watched me desperately trying to cool off a mouthful of scalding liquid.  "Maybe you should slow down, just a little," he offered.  I finally swallowed and glared at him.</p><p>"Oh, now you have the good ideas?"  But, armed with a glass of water and a little more caution, I finished without further incident.  After a second bowl, I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.  I made my unsteady way upstairs, pushed open my door, and collapsed facefirst on the bed, too exhausted to even change into pajamas or shower.</p><p>My eyes flicked open and I pushed myself upright.  I had fallen off the bed and landed curled on the floor at some point.  A small puddle of drool had soaked the carpet where my mouth had sagged open and I grimaced in disgust as I stood and walked to the light switch.  The simple novelty of turning on the light because it was dark hit me unexpectedly.  Finally, I had a modicum of control over my surroundings.  I shouldn’t have felt so happy, but I did.  The clock told me that it was one-fourteen and I shook my head.  I could tell at a glance that Thor had closed the door.  I was locked up again.  <em>To be fair,</em> I thought,<em> it is just past one in the morning.  Closing the door to my room while I’m asleep could simply be an act of respect for my privacy. </em> I sighed and moved to stand in front of the closet.  The pajamas hung there, freshly laundered, and I blew out a long breath as I tossed off Fandral’s spare clothes and pulled the clean garments on.  I needed to return those at some point.  </p><p>My fingers brushed lightly against my bare ankle and I remembered Ezzy’s pained gaze as Sif pulled her away.  Surely someone would keep her from worrying about me.  I couldn’t decide whether I was happy that Asgard could no longer trace me or- <em>Oh, come on.  Get yourself some decent sleep and stop fretting.  You’re getting soft, you absolutely useless moron.  The girl has found somewhere safe and you can go disappear off the map just as soon as you’ve figured out how to get that accursed bracelet off your wrist. </em> I nodded sharply for good measure, turned out the light, and crawled under the covers.  The glorious luxury of a soft, warm bed with real pillows lulled me to sleep again almost instantly.  </p><p>I woke to a shaft of sunlight right in my face.  I rolled over and shoved a pillow on top of my head, but a hand pulled it away.  “Get up and get showered, lazybones.  Time to move.”  I glared vaguely in Jane’s direction.  </p><p>“Go away,”  I grumbled.  </p><p>“There’s pancakes waiting when you’re ready.”  </p><p>Grudgingly, I swung my legs out of bed and stood.  “I hate you,” I told her.  </p><p>“Good to know.  Come on!  Move it.”  She snapped her fingers briskly.  All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but the promise of fluffy, syrupy goodness was just too alluring.  I stumbled blearily to the closet, pulled out some random clothes, and shuffled across the hall and into the shower.  The spray of hot water woke me up quickly, and I gasped slightly as I hurriedly washed my hair.  I might have misjudged the heat when I got in, but I was loathe to turn it down.  I was redder than a cooked lobster when I got out, and I dried off and pulled a brush through the unruly curls as quickly as I could.  I was hungry, and I really could smell pancakes.  </p><p>My clothes choices made me wince.  Did Midgardians really wear this?  I had grabbed a pair of uncomfortably tight stiff black trousers, a formfitting white shirt, and a second, enveloping black hooded shirt with a strange dancing yellow cartoon animal on the front.  I gave the poor rabbitlike animal an agonized glance.  Despite its happy expression, its tail was elongated into a seemingly painful lightning-bolt shape.  I slipped the top over my head.  Nine Realms, I looked ridiculous.  But my stomach growled and, reminded of priorities, I went in search of pancakes.</p><p>Jane nearly spit out a mouthful of food when I walked into the kitchen.  “Loki in skinny jeans and Pikachu.  Will insanity never cease?”   </p><p>I sniffed.  “You put these foolish garments into my closet.  You deal with me wearing them.”  </p><p>She shook her head.  “God, Loki, that’s not what I meant.  You look fine.  It’s just…weird.  You and American pop culture….”  She trailed off in unsuccessfully stifled fits of laughter.  I stalked over to the cabinets and grabbed a plate, flopping three pancakes onto it.   I found the chair farthest away from her and sat down, pouring syrup all over my breakfast.  I was mostly finished eating when Thor came in, his sandy hair pulled back in a ponytail.  </p><p>“Okay!” he enthused.  “We all ready to go?”  I raised one finger as I stabbed the rest of my breakfast and shoved it into my mouth, then pushed back my chair and stood, still chewing.  “Oh my…” my brother muttered.  I glared at him, but with my mouth full, I wasn’t about to retort.  I rinsed the plate and put it in the dishwasher, swallowing the last of the pancakes.  </p><p>“And, pray tell, what insults do you have for my clothing?”  </p><p>He set a hand to his chest affecting a wounded expression.  “You wrong me, brother!”  I raised my eyebrows but didn’t comment further.  </p><p>Thor threw my Midgardian shoes at me.  I swayed out of the way and they hit the cabinet behind me.  “Loki!” Jane snapped.  </p><p>I rolled my eyes.  “What now?”  </p><p>“Put your shoes on and quit acting like a pouty teenager.”  </p><p>I straightened, affronted.  “I am not a teenager, nor am I pouty.”  </p><p>“Then stop acting like it.  Get your shoes on your feet and your head on straight.”  </p><p>I let out an aggravated sigh.  “My head is on perfectly straight.  You’re the one snapping and snarking away at me.”  I shoved my feet into the shoes and stood, crossing my arms over my chest.  Then I realized that I had a large pocket on the front of the animal shirt and stuck my hands in that instead.   Jane snickered and I extricated one hand long enough to pull the hood up and over my face so I didn’t have to look at her.  </p><p>“Yup, pouty American teenager,” she said.  “He’ll blend in nicely.”  I glared at her from beneath the edge of the hood.  </p><p>“Pouty or sullen?” Thor asked her.  </p><p>I snorted.  “Yes, yes, yes, whatever.  Since I was dragged out of bed so rudely for some reason, let’s go get whatever it is done so I can go back to sleep.”  </p><p>“Sullen,” Jane decided, tossing a key ring into the air and catching it again.</p><p>Thor led the way outside to where a dark blue car was parked on the street.  He turned to me, expression grave.  “Loki, this is a car-”  “</p><p>I know perfectly well what a car is,” I growled.  “Did you think I teleported all over Europe?”  </p><p>Jane pushed me away from him.  “If you two are going to bicker this entire trip, I am going to kill at least one of you.  Get in the car and please, just shut up.”  I got in, glowering at the back of Thor’s head.  “Seatbelt,” Jane told me.  I ignored her.  “Put on the seatbelt.  It’s illegal not to.”  I shrugged.  What did I care about petty Midgardian laws?  But my brother gave me his best pain-is-coming-if-you-don’t-behave look and I yanked the thing across my body and fastened it, hating the way it held me against the seat.  Come to think of it, that had bothered me when I had ridden with Barton, too.  Only then, I just hadn't worn the thing. </p><p>My fingers found the delicate bracelet on my left wrist and I rubbed it gently, pulling my hand out of the pocket to examine it more closely.  It was plain and simple, a band of silvery metal thinner than my smallest finger.  It looked more like the sort of trinket one gave young children to play with than the sole thing holding me back from my magic.  I shifted it up and down on my arm, staring at it intently.  Ezzy had removed the tracker by following instructions she claimed were written on the outside.  Perhaps this had similar properties.  I moved my hand in the sunlight coming through the car window, hoping to see a flicker indicating engraved words, but none appeared.  “Loki, what’s that on your wrist?” Thor asked.  I pulled the sleeve down to cover the band.  “Nothing.  Why?”  </p><p>“It isn’t nothing. Nothing doesn’t reflect light.  That did.”  </p><p>“So I wear jewelry.  What’s the big deal?”  </p><p>“You never wear jewelry.  No rings, no anything.  Mother spent an hour convincing you to wear that coronet once.  And you’ve never worn it again.  That’s the only time I’ve seen you in that sort of stuff.  So why now, of all times, are you wearing a little silver bracelet?  What is it?”  </p><p>“It’s a little silver bracelet.  Who says I haven’t changed my mind?”</p><p>“Really?  Can I see it?”</p><p>“No.  It’s mine and it’s staying with me.”</p><p>“Oh, come on.  I just want to look at it.  I’m not going to steal it.”</p><p>“No.  Leave me alone.  This conversation is over.”  I shoved my hands in the pocket and stared at my feet.  He sighed in frustration but didn’t raise the topic of the mysterious bracelet again.  My fingers began tracing the shape of the blocker as I gazed aimlessly out the window.  Other cars flashed past in the opposite direction.  We passed houses, which gave way to office buildings, which became a giant parking lot.  Jane found a spot somewhere in the middle and we got out.  Thor led the way to an enormous building plastered with signs.  Jane sidled closer to me and whispered, “If you keep the hood up and hunch your shoulders slightly, you’ll look exactly like a normal kid being dragged to the mall by his parents.  Just don’t really talk to anyone and act bored.”  </p><p>I let myself slouch slightly, pulling the hood farther forwards to better shade my face.  “Why?” I asked in an undertone.  </p><p>“I don’t think we’re exactly supposed to be doing this, so if you keep a really low profile, it would be better.”  </p><p>I couldn’t stop a faint smile from appearing briefly on my lips.  “Why not just leave me home?”  </p><p>“Do you really think that shutting you in your room for hours on end is a brilliant plan right now?  I like my house standing.  And this way you get to see more of Earth.”</p><p>“I’ve seen plenty of Earth, thank you,” I told her.  Inwardly, I was pleased that she and Thor had taken me with them, even if we had to go to a place full of excited, noisy humans.  I’d been in enormous crowds before, of course.  But never had I been in a place with so many beings all going different directions, laughing and talking.  The sheer variety of sights and sounds and smells overwhelmed me.  One kiosk we passed had tiny electronic dogs yapping at passersby.  Others sold jewelry or edible pink clouds or strangely colored rubber rectangles.  The most bizarre of them all had rubber eggs that you could throw at a wall and watch them spread out as though they were broken before re-forming.  The sharp scent of disinfectants mingled with the sickly sweet perfumes and warm bread and plasticky smells.  Any color I could think of was visible somewhere, and I saw more humans in strange outfits than I even knew existed.  I had to tear my eyes away from the women wearing shirts that displayed their navels, tiny shorts, and heels so tall I wondered how they balanced.  How did they expect to fight or move quickly in that?  I did understand what Jane had meant about my clothes when I glanced about.  Teenaged boys quite frequently wandered around in overlarge hooded shirts and either tight jeans like mine or very loose, knee-length shorts.  However strange I found this manner of dressing, it was evidently not out of place here.  I kept close to my brother so as to not get lost in the sea of humans bustling every direction.  </p><p>It was clear that I wasn’t necessary on this excursion and that my presence, as Jane had told me, was merely for my entertainment.  I did enjoy myself when, at least an hour into the outing, we entered a shop called Bath &amp; Body Works by trying each of the foaming soaps they had at the small sink.  I particularly liked the lemon one, which Jane steadfastly refused to purchase.  “We don’t need any more soap.  Come on.  It’s Bed, Bath &amp; Beyond next.”  I frowned.  Weren’t we in a shop with basically the same name?  And wouldn’t that mean that they would sell virtually the same products?  When I asked Jane just shook her head.  "It's an Earth thing."</p><p>Apparently the two places were very distinct.  Thor spent the entire trip looking at towels, which were very much not available at Bath &amp; Body Works.  Jane grabbed a new tablecloth.  I tried to convince them that I needed a very nice floor lamp, but they wouldn’t get it for me.  We left with our towels and tablecloth and made our way to an even crazier section of the mall called the ‘food court’.  “The usual, Thor,” Jane called to him, then led me to an empty table.  We sat down and waited.  </p><p>I glanced over.  Thor was standing in line at what looked to be half a tavern named Chick-Fil-A.  It had the bar, but no seating whatsoever.  I supposed that was what all the tables were for.  In a few minutes, he came back with a pair of paper bags.  “Jane, chicken sandwich and small fries.  Okay, this is mine.  Loki, I got you a twelve-piece nugget and small fries.”  He handed me a closed paper box and a packet of fried potatoes.  I had no idea how nuggets were food, or how one could use the singular tense to describe twelve objects, but nobody seemed to think this strange.  I opened the box and sampled one.  ‘Nuggets’ were breaded, fried chunks of chicken.  I found them quite tasty, if redolent with chemicals.  </p><p>We finished the meal quickly and I groaned as we stood back up.  “My feet are sore.  Are we getting close to done yet?”  </p><p>Jane laughed quietly.  “Just one more store.”  It might have been only one store, but I was sick of listening to them debate the merits of different blenders after five minutes, and then they moved on the toasters and teakettles.  It was a good forty-five minutes before we left, blender-, toaster-, and teakettle-free.  </p><p>“What was the point?” I asked.  “You didn’t buy anything.” </p><p>Jane sighed.  "Still an Earth thing, Loki."  When we reached the car, I curled up in the backseat and fell asleep within two minutes.  </p><p>Thor shook me awake.  “We’re home.  Go pass out in your own bed.”  I yawned, unfastened the seatbelt, and got out of the car.  It was a warm, sunny afternoon and I was hot in the second shirt.  When I got upstairs, I yanked open my window, peeled off the overshirt, and then flopped down on the bed, staring at the bracelet.  The sun fell on my lower legs and dust motes danced in the beam.  I swiped lazily at one of them, but the motion of my hand stirred the air and it floated away.  The light caught the metal surface and reflected around the room.  I had nothing better to do.  I might as well try to break through again.</p><p>I shifted to lay in the center of the bed, flat on my back with my head on the pillows, then focused and, oh so gently, reached out.  I felt the power in my mind, a thin film of ice clinging to it.  This time, instead of trying to seize it, I called to it, the way one would whistle for a dog rather than chase it down.  <em>Fire,</em> I told it. <em> You are fire, hot and unstoppable.  </em>It seemed to swell faintly, but subsided again.  Impatient, I came closer.  The ice thickened.  <em>Fire.  You are fire and you will melt this ice. </em> Nothing happened.  I brushed the barrier with my mind, recoiling almost instantly.  My limbs stiffened again and I set myself to fighting the wall, attacking it over and over until it crumbled.  It was slick and impassable. <em> I’m in my own head.  Who says I can’t do whatever I want?</em>  I willed the wall to vanish.  I knew I could reach the magic, knew it as sure as I knew my brother could lift his hammer.  I reached out again, imperious.  <em>I am Loki and you have no right to be in my head.  Get out! </em> It almost worked.  For an instant, I felt the magic flowing through me, but it vanished quicker than thought.  <em>Go away.  I am powerful and you are insignificant.  You cannot stop me from doing anything.  You are weak and I am strong.  I am here and you are gone. </em> I reached again, and the power stayed for barely a second this time.  Again, and I held it blissfully for nearly ten, but as soon as I tried to use it, it fled.  I was conscious of a sharp pain on my wrist and the horrible smell of charring flesh.  I stopped and waited to be released, holding my breath to keep from screaming aloud as the tingling hit my burned skin.  When I could move, I looked at my wrist.  The band was still glowing faintly as if it had been heated.  I ran into the bathroom and turned the cold tap on my wrist, wincing at the temperature shock.  Clouds of steam rose from the sink as I gritted my teeth against the pain.  </p><p>In a few moments, the clouds dissipated.  I turned off the water and looked fearfully at my wrist.  Red burn marks surrounded the silver bracelet.  I could see that blisters were starting to form, pearly and exquisitely painful.  I swallowed heavily and sat down on the floor.  I had to get something on this before it became infected.  I would have to tell my brother.  <em>Damn.</em>  But I had no other choice, so I stood, cradling my left hand carefully in my right, and left the room, elbowing my door open.   Thor was in the upstairs office, eyes locked on a computer screen.  I walked in awkwardly.  “Thor?  Where do you keep the burn ointment?”  </p><p>He didn’t turn around.  “Why don’t you just chill it like you usually do?  I’ll cover for you with Heimdall.”  </p><p>“No, I need the ointment.”  If I gave it a few minutes, I would heal enough that the ointment might do some good.  At the least, it might help dull the edge of the pain.</p><p>That got his attention.  “What did you do to yourself?  I didn’t think you could burn yourself badly enough that you couldn’t heal it.”  He saw the way I was covering my hand protectively and grabbed my left forearm, pulling it towards him.  “Loki, what did you do to yourself?” he demanded.  “Some of these look like second-degree burns.  You don’t put ointment on second-degree burns.”  </p><p>“I hadn’t noticed,” I snapped.  “It’s not like I’m the one who spent six years learning the basics of medicine before the Allfather decided it was too undignified.”</p><p>“You would have made a wonderful healer,” Thor murmured.</p><p>“Don’t patronize me.”</p><p>“I’m hardly patronizing you.  You’re intelligent, magically gifted, charming, and you have the perfect temperament.  Cold, distant, and mean as a cornered porcupine.”  </p><p>“Thank you for the flattering description.  Now, where do you keep the first aid supplies?”</p><p>He led me to the downstairs bathroom and opened a mirrored cabinet.  “In here.”  </p><p>I pulled out a roll of gauze and wrapped it carefully around my wrist, taping it to my hand and farther up my arm as I went.  “Thank you.”  </p><p>He handed me a bottle of pills.  “Take one.  They’re the only painkiller I’ve found effective.”  </p><p>“Asgardian and Jotun biology are just a bit different,” I told him acerbically.  </p><p>“Or suffer, that’s fine too.  But you are going to tell me how that silver bracelet burned you so badly.”  </p><p>“Why do you think it was the bracelet?” I asked, turning to fill a small plastic cup with water.</p><p>“One, it’s still on you.  Two, the worst burns are right up next to it.”</p><p>I raised my eyebrows, mildly impressed with his quick grasp of the situation.   He usually didn’t think things through that logically.  Then I hissed in frustration at the unyielding pill bottle.  Thor almost laughed as he opened it for me.  I shook one out and swallowed it quickly, tossing the now empty cup in the trash can. </p><p>“You still haven’t started explaining.  Does Mjolnir need to get involved in this discussion?”</p><p>I rolled my eyes.  “Now really.  I hurt myself.  We’ve dealt with it.  I’m going back upstairs now.”</p><p>I almost vomited from the pain as he grabbed my left wrist.  “No, you’re coming with me and describing exactly what the hell that thing is and what you did with it.  It isn’t jewelry, so don’t even try to pull that.”  My vision was going black at the edges and I was clamping down on my tongue, trying to focus on that pain instead of the screaming in my arm.  He apparently noticed something was wrong and let go of me.  I pulled my arm in, turning away so he wouldn’t see the unnatural shine in my eyes, then blinked fiercely to force the tears back before giving him my very best death glare.  He shifted his weight away from me slightly, clearly unnerved by the pure fury.  </p><p>“Oh yes, brother.  Let’s go sit down and you can explain to me precisely why you feel that meddling in my affairs is in your best interests.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Those Dark Trees</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title for this chapter is taken from one of my favorite Robert Frost poems, Into My Own.  I think Loki would enjoy reading it.  Updates are probably going to be slow for a while, because I'm trying to streamline what I've written into one (1) plot and it's not pretty.  I'm currently over ten times the page count that I was originally planning for this whole series- and still counting.  </p><p>TW's: domestic violence?  Thor is a little too attached to hitting things? Idk exactly how to tag it.  If you can help, please please comment.  Explanation of the tag in the end notes for anyone who's worried.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I do not see why I should e'er turn back,</em><br/>
<em>Or those should not set forth upon my track</em><br/>
<em>To overtake me, who should miss me here</em><br/>
<em>And long to know if still I held them dear.</em>
</p><p><em>They would not find me changed from him they knew~</em><br/>
<em>Only more sure of all I thought was true.</em><br/>
~Robert Frost</p><p>Thor dropped into my armchair, staring at me.  I sat cross-legged at the foot of my bed, still cradling my left wrist.  “Loki, spill.”  </p><p>I didn’t answer.  </p><p>“Loki, really.  This isn’t an interrogation, I’m worried for you.  What is that bracelet on your wrist?  How did it hurt you like that?”</p><p>I said nothing.</p><p>“Please, Loki.  You used to tell me everything.”</p><p>When I still didn’t answer, his fingers clawed angrily at his knees for a few seconds before he stood.  “Fine then.  If you want to do it that way, we’re doing it that way.”  He left, closing the door firmly behind him, and when he returned in a minute, he held Mjolnir loosely at his side.  “Now it’s an interrogation.  Question one.  What is that thing on your wrist?”  </p><p>I ignored him, picking at some loose stitching on the cover in front of me.  </p><p>“You are going to tell me.  I don’t care how long this takes.  What is that thing on your wrist?”  </p><p>I got up, shut the window, and sat back down, still silent.  Thor growled and stood, pointing the hammer at me threateningly.  I didn’t react.  </p><p>“I am seriously considering pinning you here until you decide to be more cooperative,” he warned.  I stared at the wall behind him, expression completely blank.  He shook his head, then shoved me onto my back, pushing me into the middle of the bed before setting the heavy block of metal on my chest.  I fought to simply breathe against the weight that seemed to crush my chest.  The last time he’d done this, I had had full armor on and it had protected me.  That was not the case now.  My brother looked down at me, his face twisting at each of my wheezing breaths.  “Just tell me, please,” he whispered.  I clenched my fists to avoid shooting him a rude gesture.  Realms, it was tempting.</p><p>He turned to go.  “I’ll be back soon.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Please just tell me.”  I forced air into my lungs again and he flinched at the rattling sound.  But when I didn’t speak further, he left.</p><p>I twisted my shoulders on the soft mattress, trying to throw off the hammer.  It did no good, just as I had expected, but that didn’t stop me from attempting it.  <em>Why are you being so stubborn about telling him?  You know you’ll have to at some point.  Why do you keep fighting everything, no matter how insignificant?  Of all the people to know your weaknesses, Thor is not the worst. </em> I hated A’rim for what he’d done to me.  In a flash of sheer fury, I lashed out at the barrier again, growling mentally as the paralysis hit.  </p><p>Thor entered and lifted Mjolnir from my chest.  “Are you ready to speak?”  I lay frozen and motionless, eyes still staring at the ceiling.  “Loki?”  I couldn’t move.  “Loki, I am losing patience for your little games.  Stop this nonsense and tell me what that thing is and what’s going on!”  I couldn’t so much as blink.  “I’m going to shut you in here until you get it together and come to your senses.  If that means you don’t leave this room for the rest of your life, I don’t care.  It will be your choice.”  He slammed the door behind him.  At least he’d taken Mjolnir.  I waited for what seemed like an eternity for my limbs to regain mobility, holding back a whimper as my wrist began to throb again.  Slowly, carefully, I sat up, lifting my left arm gently into my lap.  I focused on breathing in and then out until the pain receded.  When it did, I squared my shoulders and stood, padding over to the bookshelf.  I ran the fingers of my right hand over the tops of the volumes before pulling out one about Midgardian science.  I didn’t hold out much hope that it would be interesting, but I couldn’t help myself when I saw the title.  <em>In Search of Schrödinger’s Cat</em> brought a smile to my lips, even if it was a paradox regarding a cat equally dead and alive.  I sat down and opened it.  I really wasn’t paying any attention to the words, but simply reading was soothing.  </p><p>The sun set through the window and I rose to turn on the light.  My stomach growled, but I ignored it.   I could survive missing supper.  Thor would be coming back eventually.  Soon the sky had darkened to full night, and I put the book away, changed into pajamas, turned out the light, and curled up in my bed.  I knew it was early, but I didn’t really care.  I lay there staring at the dark ceiling.  It was peaceful and quiet in the room.  I could hear Thor downstairs laughing as metal clanged on metal. <em> I bet Jane’s putting the dishes away.  She and Thor are probably talking.  It’s like I don’t even exist. </em> I sighed, turning over again.  The voices faded away and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  My door creaked open slightly.  “Oh!” Jane’s voice said softly.  “I didn’t realize you’d gone to bed.  I’m sorry.”  </p><p>I pushed myself to a sitting position.  “It’s fine.  Come in.”</p><p>She flicked on the light as she obeyed.  “I brought you food if you want it.”</p><p>I took the plate from her gratefully.  “Thank you.  Did you need anything else?”  </p><p>“No, that was it.  Sleep well, Loki.”  She gave my shoulder a brief squeeze, then, as I recoiled from the unexpected touch, left as quietly as she’d come, closing the door behind her.  Even with food in my stomach, I tossed and turned under the covers, unable to get properly comfortable.  I knew that I should be happy that I wasn’t trying to sleep on a bare stone floor.  Even being locked in this room was preferable to languishing in a cell in Asgard.  I flipped onto my back and held perfectly still, breathing slowly.  The house was nearly silent around me.  My eyes grew itchy in that peculiar way they sometimes did when I was tired and I closed them, relaxing into the pillows.  Yet I couldn’t stay still for long.  It seemed to be hours before I truly slept.</p><p>I woke to my brother standing over me.  I grabbed for a knife and, finding only pillows beneath my fingers, smacked him in the face with one.  “Hey!” he yelled, ripping it away from me.  “What was that?”</p><p>I struggled upright.  “Maybe next time, you shouldn’t trigger the defense reflexes.  If you’re going to wake me up, do not loom over me.  Got it?”</p><p>He sighed and sat down on the bed.  “At least you’re talking to me now.  That counts as progress, right?”  I made a noncommittal sound and began peeling away the tape on my hand and arm.  The gauze fell away and I clicked my tongue in surprise.  The blisters had receded into tiny raw spots and most of the burns had faded into a faint redness.  I brushed my fingers lightly over the area, and, when it didn’t hurt, tapped it briskly.  I felt only residual tenderness.  Thor glanced over my shoulder.  “Wasn’t that a mess yesterday?”  </p><p>“Mhm.”  The silver shone clean and innocent in the morning light from the window.  </p><p>“You still haven’t told me what happened to give you that burn,” he continued.</p><p>I was going to have to tell him at least some of the story.  “… I… the bracelet.  Yes.  It… binds my magic.  I cannot touch it.  I tried too hard and was burned.”</p><p>He was silent for a long moment.  “Really?  You can’t…Not even a little…I can’t imagine it.”</p><p>“Try thinking about not being able to lift Mjolnir.  That’s the closest comparison I have.”</p><p>Thor’s face went white.  “Don’t even talk about that.  It was your fault!”</p><p>“And you wonder why I was reluctant to have this conversation,” I drawled.  He set a hand on my back and rubbed gently.  I twitched away from the contact.  I hated being pitied.  “I’m working on breaking through.  Apparently the foul thing has more defense mechanisms than I originally assumed.”</p><p>“I’m not so sure it’s bad, actually.  I’ll sleep safer knowing you aren’t able to pull one of your crazy stunts.”</p><p>I could have cheerfully throttled him.  “Did you listen to a word I said?  This isn’t a minor inconvenience.  I’m literally missing a piece of my identity!”</p><p>He shrugged.  “You just need to find something else to fill in the gap.  Maybe you could try acting like a normal being with feelings.  You know, happiness, sadness, those things.”  I smacked him with a pillow again using every bit of strength I could muster.  </p><p>“Better?  I can keep wearing my emotions on my sleeve like they’re something to be proud of if you’d like.”  I hit him again and then dropped the pillow and slapped him as hard as I could, my palm stinging from the force of the blow.  “Does that make you feel good?” I snarled, drawing my other arm back and curling the fingers into a fist.  “Give you the warm fuzzies?”  I punched him in the jaw and he fell sideways onto the floor.  I got up and aimed a kick at his head, but he grabbed my ankle and jerked me off balance.  I landed hard next to him and he rolled on top of me, pinning my my arms down with his knees.  I thrashed and twisted, trying to get him off.  He hung on grimly.  My handprint was clear on his cheek and I felt a sense of vicious pleasure.  Eventually, his body weight was just too much for me to fight and I lay still, my breathing ragged.  I felt the subtle shift that indicated he was going to get up and prepared myself.  He stood slowly, keeping one hand pressed on my chest for a few seconds before straightening.  I let my head loll and accentuated my rapid breathing until he turned his back, then launched myself upright, clawing at him.  </p><p>He whirled and backhanded me so hard my head snapped back to collide with the bedpost and I collapsed into a crumpled heap, but Thor wasn’t about to stop there.  He pulled the top blanket off my bed and wrapped me in it, covering me from head to toe.  I tried to bite him and got a mouthful of wadded cloth instead.  Something cinched around the cocoon, holding my arms to my sides.  I heard my brother’s heavy tread leaving the room and wriggled downwards, using the floor to scrape the blanket away from my upper body.  It didn’t take long to work myself free and I threw the roll away from me, wiping blood from my mouth with my other hand.  I was really angry now, even though the rational part of my mind was screaming for me to sit down and hold still, to put the stopper back in the bottle and get rid of the emotion.  It felt so good to be bad, so good to let someone else understand just a little of the pain and humiliation that I faced every day.  The door was closed.  I hadn’t expected anything different.   Thor could leave me in here like this for a very long time without needing to worry about an attempted escape.  He had plenty of time for Thor to get Heimdall or Sif to come pick me up and take me back to Asgard.  It was also plenty of time for me to calm down.  I hoped they were going with the ‘calm down’ plan.  </p><p>I stood shakily and walked over to the closet.  I was still in pajamas, which was mildly embarrassing for some reason.  I found a plain blue shirt and soft black trousers and changed, glancing at my reflection through the open bathroom door.  My hair was, obviously, a mess, a dribble of blood was still leaking from my mouth, and I realized I had a huge knot on the side of my head from where I’d hit the solid wood post.  I washed my face and gingerly worked a brush through most of the tangles, carefully avoiding the sore area.  With nothing else to do, I picked up the blanket and shook it out, pulling my brother’s belt off it, then spread it back out over the bed and tucked it in.  I straightened the sheets and pillows, replaced the one Thor had stolen, and then glanced around.  The room was surprisingly neat, considering the brawl that had just happened.  Then I remembered the book I’d been looking at earlier.  I grabbed it and sat down to read.</p><p>Apparently they were going with the ‘calm down’ plan.  Sometime around midday Jane opened my door and stuck a plate of food in, closing it again quickly.  I ate mechanically, without really tasting anything, then finished my book.  Too twitchy to start another one, I began pacing in circles.  After an hour of that, I started varying it by occasionally jumping onto the bed.  After an hour of that, I was sufficiently anxious that I started fighting an imaginary foe, twisting and ducking and lunging across what floorspace I had.  After another hour, I was exhausted and completely incapable of holding still.   I lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling as the sun sank past the house, drumming my fingers on the carpet.  Then I started tapping my toes, then I would stand, and it was right back to the circles, around and around the room until my legs started screaming.  I would no sooner flop down, panting, then the whole thing would start again.  </p><p>The sky wasn’t yet dark when I heard heavy footsteps in the hall.  It took everything I had to stay in the chair and not run over to the door and beg to come out.  I turned anyway, staring intently at the featureless wood.  It creaked open and I couldn’t hold myself to the chair any longer.  My brother handed me a bowl of soup and a spoon, then began to close the door again.  I shifted the bowl to one hand and wrapped the other around the edge of the door, pulling it open.  “I’ve calmed down, I promise.  Can I come out now?”  </p><p>He stared at me coldly for a second before speaking.  “Count yourself lucky that you’re standing here with dinner in hand and not staring at the inside of a cell after that outburst.”  </p><p>“Thor, I’m sorry.  I wasn’t myself.  I’ll be just as well-behaved as you could want.  But please let me out of here.”  We had fought a thousand times on the sands of the sparring arenas; I had given him bruises and broken bones and worse and never apologized.  But desperate times called for desperate measures, and I could not stay in this room another moment without going mad.</p><p>“No.”  </p><p>“What do you want me to do?  I already told you everything.  I can’t turn back time and undo my stupid mistakes.  At this point, I’ve caused every bit of mischief I feasibly can.  I get that you don’t want to trust me, I really do, but there’s nothing that I can make happen to change that.  Please.”  I tried to sound as contrite as I could.  The words burned my throat and tongue coming out, but I hoped they would be enough.  Thor had never been cruel, not really.  Hot-headed, yes, and insufferable, but never cruel.</p><p>He gave me a flat look.  “If I gave you a choice between staying put or taking a fifteen-minute walk outside and then spending the night in chains, which would you take?”  </p><p>“Outside,” I answered immediately.  “I would take the chains to get out of this room for fifteen minutes.”</p><p>He nodded.  “Do you know what zipties are?”</p><p>I swallowed.  “Not really.  They sound like a painful and barbaric Midgardian form of restraint.”</p><p>His face contorted and I was worried that I’d angered him, but he began laughing.  “Fair.  This is a ziptie.”  He held out a bright yellow piece of plastic and I took it, setting the soup by my foot.  It was a long tongue attached to a small cube with a slit in it.  The tongue had ridges that would hold it firmly in place if one pushed it through the cube.  </p><p>“Effective,” I noted.  “You can make it however tight you want, but you can’t loosen it once you do.  And you’d have to cut it to get it off.  I take it that you would use these to bind me?”  I passed the ziptie back and he dropped it in his pocket.</p><p>“Only if I have to.  It will not be a pleasant experience for you if I do.  Understand?”  I made a general noise of assent, then as he glared at me, nodded.  “Good.  Consider yourself warned.”</p><p>I sharpened my gaze.  I couldn’t decide what game he was playing.  “I have been warned.  Wonderful!”  I scooped the bowl off the floor and bared my teeth in some facsimile of a smile.  “Now, brother dear, kindly step away from the door.”</p><p>He shot me a warning glare.  “The soup is good.  You should eat first.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll bite.”  The Midgardian phrase was strange in my mouth.  I could practically hear Selvig’s voice in my ears.  <em>“Magic, huh?  Okay, I’ll bite.  It’s not the strangest thing I’ve seen.”</em></p><p>“Eat the food, not me!”</p><p>“Thor, that was a joke.”  I started on the soup, which had gone cold.</p><p>“With you, I can’t tell,” he muttered.  I ignored him.  </p><p>In a few minutes, the bowl was empty and I drummed my fingers impatiently on the bowl.  “Let’s go.”  He gave me a wary look, but pushed the door open farther and walked down the hall.  I followed him downstairs and into the kitchen, where I paused only long enough to set my dishes in the sink before leaving the house entirely.</p><p>It was fair outside, the sky brightly striped in gold and red fading into deep blue as the sun set.  The air was still warm, though a faint breeze had begun to stir.  “It’s not quite the same as Asgard,” I murmured.</p><p>“But beautiful nonetheless,” Thor said softly, </p><p>“But beautiful nonetheless,” I concurred.  </p><p>I sat on the porch, staring at the sky arching above me.  The wind caught a few stray hairs and brushed them against my cheek and across my face, the black strands flickering gently in the corners of my vision.  I pushed them back behind my ear, smoothing them down, but they came right out again and I gave up.  I could feel my brother behind me and knew that he watched me closely for any sign of rebellion.  His breathing was shallow, and I could practically hear the tension in his muscles.  I stood abruptly and he growled, but I just strolled over to the fence and leaned on it, closing my eyes as the cool air washed over me again.  He was only a step behind me, hovering threateningly at my back.  Somewhere, children were laughing and shrieking; a bird called from a nearby tree.  It was so peaceful that it felt almost staged, as though it was a play of how an evening should feel rather than the real thing.  I smiled faintly, but the moment of joy was brief.  </p><p>“It’s time to go in.”</p><p>I sighed and didn’t move for a few seconds.</p><p>“You’re not trying to delay, are you?”</p><p>I cast one last, regretful glance at the sunset and turned.  “No, I’m not.”</p><p>He herded me back inside and upstairs to my room.  As he was leaving, I set a hand on his arm to stop him.  “You know you can’t do this, Thor.  You don’t know how.”</p><p>He slapped my hand away from him.  “I know perfectly well what I’m doing.”</p><p>“No, you don’t.  This isn’t doing anything, Thor.  You’ll hurt yourself far more than you ever could me.  Stop trying to be stern and-”</p><p>“Spare me your lies, Silvertongue,” he spat, slamming the door behind himself.</p><p>“Thor!” I called after him, but I was speaking to a blank piece of wood.  I sat back down, looking around me.  The walls seemed to press in on me after those few minutes outside.  I lay back to think.  I was locked in here again because I’d lost my temper so badly this morning.  I needed to get ahold of myself again.  Between the accursed blocker and the child, my emotional control had very nearly disappeared.  I focused on my breathing, relaxing into the meditation.  Shadows gathered on the ceiling as I struggled to pull myself together.  I would have settled for the simple ability to control my expression.  But the arts I’d lived by for centuries defied me.  I turned over and buried my head in pillows. <em> Sleep.  Sleep and it will all be better in the morning.  You can go downstairs and eat breakfast and maybe discover what a ‘hammock’ is.  Does it bear any relation to a hummock? </em> I forced myself to think about grass and dirt and small hills.  It was better than dwelling on the blocker again.  There was that one book in the library when I was younger about fertilizers through the ages or something similar.  I tried to recall more about it but, within a few minutes, had bored myself to sleep.</p><p>A bright light woke me.  I blinked, throwing a hand up to shade my eyes, and glanced around for the source.  The light was coming in through the window, but it vanished as quickly as it had come.  I padded over and stared down into the yard.  There was a flash of yellow as the door opened and closed; I heard Thor’s voice raised in greeting.  I sighed.  Was it Sif, Heimdall, or someone new sent to take me back to a cell?  Not that I wasn’t in one already, but I at least had a few diversions and comforts here.  I debated turning on my light, but decided against it.  It wouldn’t make any difference in what they did.  I crawled back under the covers and gazed blankly at the small ring of light around the door.  I pushed the fear away as it crept in, hissing at the corners of my mind.  <em>They can do so much more, you know.  If Thor was really angry at you over that outburst, very bad things could happen.  They’ve barely laid a hand on you physically.    </em></p><p>“And they wouldn’t,” I whispered.  </p><p>
  <em>Do you really believe that?  They were ready to kill you to take down A’rim.  Are you just lying to yourself again, hoping that it will make everything better?  Oh, you fool…  </em>
</p><p>I growled angrily, rolling out of bed.  I wasn’t going to get any sleep now, that was certain.  I crossed the room, my bare feet silent on the carpet, and flicked the light switch, squinting in the sudden illumination.  I seized a random book off my shelf and curled up in the chair, glaring at the pages.  The words swam in and out of focus before me, and I couldn’t help turning every few minutes to stare at the door.</p><p>Thor came up the stairs, talking animatedly.  Sif’s voice cut him off and he laughed suddenly.  I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it couldn’t have been anything weighty with the tones they were using.  A sharp knock startled me, and I whipped around.  “Loki!  It is late and you ought to be asleep,” Thor snapped.  </p><p>I sighed.  “I<em> was</em> asleep, until a certain warrior decided to drop the Bifrost in the garden that my window overlooks.  It woke me up, and I’m not going back to sleep until I know what’s going on.”</p><p>I heard murmurs as they conferred, then the door creaked open.  Sif stood there, her dark ponytail immaculate as always.  I rose, dipping my head in mocking greeting.  “My lady.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”</p><p>“I’m here because Thor asked me to come,” she told me.  “He told me about a certain peculiar artifact you’re carrying around with you and wanted another opinion.”  I realized I had pulled my hands behind my back instinctively and dropped them to my sides.</p><p>“You mean this.”  I held up my left wrist.  She stepped closer and took my hand, twisting it to look at the bracelet.</p><p>“Yes, I mean that.  What does it do?”</p><p>“It prevents me from using magic and paralyzes me if I try.”  There.  I’d said it.  Of course, she only looked mildly interested.</p><p>“Can I see?”</p><p>I grimaced.  “It’s not exactly comfortable.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll rephrase that.  Show me.”</p><p>I sat down on the carpet at her feet, then laid down so I absolutely couldn’t fall over.  I took a deep, steadying breath, then reached out to my power.  As usual, I hit the icy wall and my body froze.  Sif waved her hand in front of my face, but my eyes were stuck staring straight ahead.  She tried to lift one of my hands from the floor and ended up rolling my entire body.  “Wow.  If it really triggers when you try to use magic, that thing is useful.  Look, Thor.  He can’t move a muscle.”  She crouched next to me, waiting.  I guessed it was five minutes before I could start to move again, and I waited for the pain to go away completely before I pushed myself to my feet.  </p><p>“I’m not sold on ‘useful’.  I’m still working on finding acceptable words, but ‘useful’ has never been on the list.”  Sif just stared at me, so I flapped my hands at her as though shooing an insect.  “Go away.  I probably won’t see you in the morning.”  I got into bed and pulled the covers over my head.  Sif jerked them back.  </p><p>“Sif!  Leave him be.”  Thor came- tardily- to my defense and pulled her out of my room, whispering to her as he turned out the light and closed the door.  I cocooned myself in blankets again and forced my breathing to settle.  Realms, that had been close.  I let my eyes drift closed and was soon asleep.  </p><p>Of course, I had yet another nightmare. </p><p>I heard the soft swish of cloth on stone and struggled to sit up.  The half-healed scabs on my back tore open again and I held back a soft cry of pain.  I could not show weakness to my jailers.  I knew what could happen if I did.  I blinked rapidly as the dark cell was flooded with light, preparing myself mentally.  I would not scream, no matter what they did.  I would not scream.</p><p>But no blows landed.  I looked up.  The green girl stood there, her nose wrinkled in distaste.  “Get up.  And stop sniveling in the corner like that.”  </p><p>I stood and stared her down.  “I do not snivel.  I have never sniveled in my life.”  </p><p>She grinned humorlessly.  “Oh, so what is this?”  She hunched her shoulders in, peering fearfully at me through her waves of dark hair, whimpering softly.  I tilted my head and she flinched violently, her eyes, or at least what I could see of them, widening in terror.  She held it for a few seconds, then righted herself again.  “Definitely not sniveling.”  Her tone was sarcastic and I took a deep breath, fixing my eyes firmly on the wall to the left of her head.  I did not want to face any more of their tortures, did not want to fight their mind games, did not want to lose control again.  I shied away from the memory of the last time that had happened.  The girl grabbed my arm and dragged me away from my cell, along corridors I didn’t even try to remember, through corners I wished I could ignore, until we entered a great, echoing marble chamber and she threw me across the floor.</p><p>I slid for a few meters, leaving bloodstains behind me.  A deep chuckle resounded through the room.  “Loki, disgraced prince of Asgard, god of mischief, only now do you lie broken at my feet.”  I rolled to my hands and knees, pushing myself upright slowly.  The voice continued.  “To be honest, I expected it to take longer.  I have a proposal for you.”  A blade flashed its way through the air and came to rest on my throat.  “I search for certain artifacts throughout the universe.  It has come to my attention that one of them resides on Midgard.  Only a very talented being- such as yourself- could retrieve it for me.”</p><p>I coughed, a harsh, wet sound that shook my body and left spots of blood and phlegm on the floor. </p><p> “Do you not wish a chance for revenge?  Revenge for what your so-called brother has done to you?  If you don’t, then, of course, you will die.  Right here, right now.  But if you choose to help me, I can give you an unbeatable army.  Why confine your dreams to Asgard when you could rule Midgard and beyond?  What do you say, Asgardian?  Will you take the throne you’ve always wanted or will you die?”</p><p>I met the calculating blue eyes and raised one finger to push the blade from my throat.  A cold smile spread across my lips as I knelt on the chill floor, bowing my head.  </p><p>“I, Loki of Asgard, swear my service to Thanos in return for the realm of Midgard.”  One simple sentence.  It would make all the pain go away.  It had to.  I could not take it anymore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Explanation: Thor and Loki get mad at each other and end up swinging their fists.  I wouldn't tag this at all save for the fact that Thor is the alpha dog in the household and I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Crime and Punishment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone.  I'm sorry to announce that this story will be going on hiatus.  This is going to be the last chapter for quite a while.  I'm not giving up writing, nor am I going to stop posting my work here on AO3, but I will not be adding more to Fate's Curse for the foreseeable future.  I'm not feeling the story anymore, and it doesn't have a ton of support pushing me to keep going.  It's not discontinued, not yet, but I need a break.  I'm sorry to do this to you all.  I really am.</p><p>TWs: dissociation/panic, mentions of whipping</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Thor, what is happening?”</p><p>“Just try to hold him still.  Loki!  Loki, wake up!  Loki!”</p><p><em>No, go away, leave me alone.  He’s coming, it’s a warning, I have to get out of here. </em> My eyes flew open and I sat up so quickly Sif and I smacked heads.  She let go of me and I launched myself upright, scanning the room for a weapon, anything I could use to get out of here before he came for me. I couldn’t be trapped again, not like this.  Thor came at me and I ran, down the hall and the stairs, out the front door and through the gate.  </p><p>I had gotten myself hopelessly lost within ten minutes and I sat on a low stone wall, trying to think. It had been a dream.  The Titan was not coming to exact revenge.  I had to get that out of my head.  Could it be A’rim again, messing with my mind?  I had hoped that Thor would have dealt with him.  I laughed shortly.  I was tired, so tired.  Why would I be tired?  I hadn’t done anything too strenuous.  I hadn’t run particularly far or particularly fast.  My feet were bloody; I hadn’t worn shoes.  I hoped I hadn’t picked up some kind of infection.  I pushed the worries aside before a random thought occurred to me.  I could call Heimdall to take me back to Asgard, explain what happened, and then ask him to get Thor and Sif.  Then, I could try to tell them what happened from the inside of a cell.  It wasn’t like anything worse could happen, could it?  </p><p>I stood, wincing, and looked up at the sky.  “Heimdall!”  I called.  “Heimdall!”  For a horrible moment, nothing happened.  Then the Bifrost roared down and I was sucked into the stream.  I stared at the lights around me, praying that there was something I could say that would save my skin until Thor arrived.  If this ended badly, the last thing I might see would be the inside of the Observatory.</p><p>I landed on my hands and knees on the golden floor.  <em>Stay down.  Look desperate and penitent.  His job is protecting Asgard, not murdering you.</em>  I heard heavy steps next to me and glanced up.  “Do you perhaps care to explain?”  Heimdall’s voice was distant and emotionless.  I took that as a good sign and sat back on my heels.</p><p>“I thought he was coming, and I knew that I couldn’t be trapped or I’d die, he would kill me, and I ran.  They didn’t stop me, I don’t know why they didn’t stop me, and I just ran.  I had no idea of where I was, absolutely no idea, so I called for help.”  The words tumbled over themselves.  I knew they were incoherent and that it was unlikely Heimdall had understood anything I had said.  I forced myself to meet his eyes.  </p><p>There was no anger there, only heavy resignation and perhaps a tinge of frustration.  “Now what am I supposed to do with you?  I suppose I have to tell Thor and Sif where you went and I can’t very well leave you here.”  I decided it would be all right if I stood up.  He wasn’t furious.  My brother would be.  I’d cross that barrier when I came to it.</p><p>“Asgard has cells, does it not?”  </p><p>Heimdall raised his eyebrows.  “You want to be locked up?”</p><p>“Not in the slightest.  I would prefer to avoid any accusations of causing havoc.  Any more, at least.”</p><p>The giant sighed.  “Come on then.  I’ll tell them later.”  He seemed faintly surprised when I did as asked.  </p><p>“What?  Convinced that I’m suicidal?”</p><p>“You just went running out into Midgard.  Why should I expect you to follow me?”</p><p>“Because you’re the closest thing I have to hope in this situation.”</p><p>Heimdall nodded.  “You made the mess.  You get to deal with it.”</p><p>I twisted my face into a grimace, even though he was right.  It didn’t mean I had to like it.</p><p>I sat on the floor of the cell, waiting for Thor or Sif to arrive and wondering what exactly I would tell them when they did.  I could tell them the simple truth.  It would be what they demanded to hear.  I could lie and tell them the story they wanted to hear, that I was trying to run, that they were too far beneath me, that I had been waiting for a chance.  But that would just make the punishment so much worse.  It was the truth then, however miserable.  I didn’t want his pity, but I’d take it over the lashes.  I began to rehearse my words, wincing at the memory of both the Titan and the dream.</p><p>I looked up from the floor when I heard footsteps.  There were Thor and Sif, as expected.  I considered standing to greet them, but didn’t.  Let them feel they had the power in this situation.  It would make my task much easier.  Predictably, my brother was the first to speak.  “What in Helheim happened there?  One minute you’re having a nightmare, the next you’re halfway down the street!  I suppose we’re lucky Heimdall caught you.”</p><p>“He didn’t catch me.  I called him.”</p><p>“He’s lying,” Sif spat.  She had a nasty bump on her forehead from where I’d hit her.</p><p>“I’m not lying.  Ask him.  I realized what I’d done and called him to come pick me up.  Then I requested that he put me here until you arrived.”</p><p>“Requested.”</p><p>“Requested.”  I shrugged.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I thought it best.”</p><p>“You thought it best?  You didn’t just leave?”  My brother’s voice was laden with disbelief.</p><p>“Well, you would find me anyway.  I wasn’t exactly thinking when I ran in blind panic.”</p><p>Thor hummed faintly.  “No.  What scared you so badly that you could not ask for help?”</p><p>“Since when has Loki ever asked for help, Thor?” Sif interjected.  “He’d rather die than admit weakness.”</p><p>I straightened my shoulders.  Now came the fun part.  “After I fell from the Bifrost- you already know this- I swore my service to a monster.  He was the one that sent me to Midgard.  And he promised that if I failed, he would hunt me down.  And when he found me, he said...”  I trailed off in the memory, but forced the words to come out anyway.  “He said that I might think I knew pain, but if I failed, he would make me long for something as sweet as pain.”  I swallowed and licked my dry lips before continuing.  “I dreamed of that memory, and then, when I woke up, it wouldn’t go away.  I was trapped, and I thought that he would find me if I was trapped, so I ran, and nobody stopped me.  Then I realized what had happened and called Heimdall.  So.”  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  “I know you’re going to punish me.  I won’t fight.  Just please, do it quickly.  And get me cleaned up afterwards.  If I’m here already, I would like to talk to Ezzy.  She is all right, isn’t she?”</p><p>“She’s fine.  Furious that you left, but otherwise enjoying the palace.  Does she ever love the library.”  Sif’s laugh was light and true, without a hint of the sharp bitterness it so often held around me.  “Can’t stop talking about Tern this versus Asgard that and telling me everything she’s learned- I do mean everything- but she always comes back to one thing.  You.  Asking what happened, why you left her.  The stories she told me about you are- you sound like some hero out of legend, come to save her.”</p><p>I smiled slightly.  I was glad Ezzy was settling in, but the thought of the pain I knew was coming drowned it out.  Thor spoke next, his voice tired.  “We’re going to have to talk to Heimdall about this.  I wish I didn’t have to deal with this crap at seven-thirty in the morning  I mean, really, Loki, couldn’t you save the screaming, thrashing, and running away for a more decent hour?”</p><p>It was a rhetorical question and we both knew it.  I couldn’t help when I woke up or had nightmares.  I listened quietly as their steps faded into the distance, then sighed and opened my eyes.  The floor was so white and pretty.  It seemed such a shame to mar it with blood.  I ran my fingers over the smooth surface.  How many times had it been scrubbed clean after screaming prisoners were taken from it, their skin torn open from the whip or worse?  I hoped I would only be whipped.  That was clean.  I would heal quickly.  It would be over quickly.  But it didn’t really matter, because I wouldn’t fight.  I had told them I wouldn’t fight and I meant it.  </p><p>I rose and began to pace slowly around the small room.  If this was all A’rim’s fault, I was going to strangle him.  As soon as I could figure out where he was and how to get there without being noticed, of course.  The last thing I needed right now was more trouble.  I wondered idly whether I had finally irritated them enough to kill me.  Somehow, it seemed that they were more resigned to cleaning up a mess than angry at my foolishness.  I could work with resigned.  I could be penitent and mildly embarrassed at my own behavior.  I actually was mildly embarrassed, so it shouldn’t be a challenge.  And if they were only frustrated that there was a mess to deal with, then I might avoid any real punishment at all.  They would have to do something symbolic, because I had successfully gotten out, but if they really believed that I hadn’t been in my right mind, they certainly wouldn’t go beyond a whipping.  </p><p>I quashed the thoughts as soon as they entered my head.  <em>Don’t hope.  You’re not worthy.  Do not hope.  You will take the pain and survive because they will hurt you.  Everyone seeks to hurt you somehow.</em>  I knew the last was true.  Nobody wanted me to be myself.  They all had their lofty ideals, and I matched up to none of them.  </p><p>
  <em>Like some hero out of legend, come to save her. </em>
</p><p>I was no hero, and I had saved my own skin, not hers.  I wasn’t a hero, I was a villain.  </p><p><em>And when you knelt to A’rim? </em>a tiny voice asked me.  <em>What was that?  Or when you carried her on your back out of the cell because she wasn’t strong enough, even though she hampered you, even though you could have left her and nobody would have known? </em></p><p>I shoved the thought aside.  I didn’t need this foolish sentimentality in my head.  I had a plan.  Maybe it wasn’t a great plan, but it was a plan.  That was what mattered.  I was Loki, the villain of any story one cared to tell, and I had a plan.</p><p>Heavy steps brought me back to myself and I turned to see Sif, Thor and Heimdall striding towards me.  Heimdall was solemn, which wasn’t unusual, but he didn’t seem particularly upset over anything.  It was hard to discern his emotions sometimes.  Thor looked tired.  I couldn’t tell whether it was the early morning or my impending punishment that weighted his steps.  And Sif- Sif looked at once hopeful and sick.  I wasn’t getting off lightly if she felt uncomfortable with what they were doing to me.  I could remember the glee on her face as she forced the gag into my mouth all too well.  “Well?”  I asked, stepping confidently to the front of the cell.  “What’s it to be?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I swear I'm not bashing Thor.  Really.  I like him a lot and he isn't actually an antagonist here, nor is he trying to hurt Loki.  He's just clueless as to how his actions are affecting his brother.  I'm trying to base him off his attempted 'professional' attitude in Dark World, since he does have the jailer-prisoner dynamic going.  Plus, every time Thor and Loki's childhood comes up, there's violence somewhere, so I think it's safe to say that culturally he wouldn't think what he's doing is actually a problem.  </p><p>Tl;dr- don't hate me.  Or Thor.  He's not evil and I'm currently unaligned.</p><p>Comments/kudos/bookmarks will make the next chapter appear faster.  Just saying.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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